Sappy Fop Face

Dear Most Sacred and Delicious Diary,

Oh BOY!

In my effort to uncover more hidden truths about Young Siward, and how BEST to reveal the secret of his parentage, I have naturally been rifling through his things every time he leaves the room.

What did I find TODAY most dearest of dear diaries? Why, the diary of Young Siward of course! Rather, a book of poetry or sonnets or some thing or another he's trying to write. If you call it "writing". Let's just say it's a good thing he smells so delightful, because he's certainly not going to be wooing any buxom mistresses with this collection of slop. I shall transcribe an example here for you diary:

Those hours, that with gentle work did frame
The lovely gaze where every eye doth dwell,
Will play the tyrants to the very same
And that unfair which fairly doth excel;

UGH. I'm practically leaking cheese out of my EYES. It couldn't be clearer that this was written by a mere Child of Gainesville.

Also, it appears that he is writing some sort of skit or play. I mean REALLY. He could never dream of having any sort of insight into such an art form as The Theatre. I mean, people in the know understand that in order to have any sort of insight into the human condition and the structure of great theatrical work, you 1) Must NOT be a child of Johnny Gainesville (aka, you should be an ARISTOCRAT...oh Young Siward, how I long to spill the proverbial beans on this point!) 2) Must be an Oxford man 3) Must have been to Italy, which I'm sure Young Siward has NEVER seen...he's decidedly too unromantic to have ever uttered the word "ciao" and of course...well, I don't really have anything else to say on the subject except that there's is NO WAY a brute like he is could consider writing for the stage. It would be all blood and guts and people losing hands and tongues and such.

YUCKY.

As for these sappy sonnets....I wonder who their subject could be? Some speak of a "fair youth"...

Diary! A new plan for complete vengeance is hatching! It's pecking it's little beak at the egg shell of my brain! I will discover who this "fair youth" is and in revealing his identity AND the true identity of Young Siward's Father, his shame will be complete and irreversible!

I will indulge myself in a maniacal chuckle.

Tootles!
Y.P.M