Still unknown to woman, but GOOD NEWS! Father let me read his discarded portions of the paper (though he no longer lets me read the funnies, I manage to steal a few precious moments to peruse Mary Worth at every opportunity). I learned today, dear diary, that my name - Malcolm- is one of the top ten "bad boy" names. Diary, I have never considered myself a "bad-boy." I stared in shock at the paper until father corrected me for having my mouth agape.
Diary, while I do not feel "bad" perhaps I should start to look the part. In order to fool the public, I shall have to make a list of things to procure.
Malcolm's list of "Bad Boy" Items to procure.
- A Corn Cob Pipe: While I have promised father that I should never smoke, I may have to pretend to keep up appearences. Perhaps if I make a solution of dish soap and water, I can fool and enchant with a magical display of bubbles? Must inquire further.
- A Straw Boater: Nothing says rough and tumble like a straw boater, plus it becomes a handy survival aid if I am ever trapped with nothing to eat.
- Double Eye Patch: The only thing manlier than losing one eye in a fight is losing TWO. This may cause issues with sight, but see item four on the list for the answer to that little delimma.
- Cane: A man with a cane is a sure sign that he is of a sexily dubious moral nature...or possibly a veteran or cripple. I must remember to swagger when I walk.
- Chest Hair Wig: Diary, I don't have to tell you that the loss of Frederick was devestating, but I cannot wait until his children come of age for this to naturally occur. I must find a wig of sorts...Hmmm...Roxy's fur would be both supple, appropriately sized, and (most importantly) soft to the touch.
Ah, there is so much to do! Surely, lady McD will swoon at such a display of Devil may care style.
Yours,
Y.P.M.
1 comment:
I love how the bullet points are little flowers :) Scree!
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