Friday, February 12, 2010

Saucy Tim's Adventures

Dearest Convalescent Parchment,
While I DO adore King Kamp, I feel rather peckish from lack of food and pampering. You are my sole sustainer currently...well, so is my new friend Saucy Tim. I told you that he was reading my princely musings, but once I began looking further through your leafy pages, I saw that he had chronicled the outline for one of his scandalous adventures! The best part? He had given me a part! I felt so privileged! Saucy Tim had used your humble leafs to begin yet another salacious story of delight! I, being quite the Machiavellian myself, have endeavored to turn his skeletal outline into a fully realized story his Sauciness would slather himself in garlic butter over.

The Cabin Boy
By Y.B.P.M. (S.U.t.W)
Inspired by an outline composed by the "Crumpet of Corruption" himself: Saucy Tim
It was a dark and stormy knight. He was in a tizzy about some spoiled yams that had been delivered to his chateau, Xanadu. This Knight was so whipped up into a distemper that he ran the messenger right through with a candelabra. It was both painful and humiliating...the best kind of death. This knight was a bad seed, you know the kind, the one with the devil may care hair-do, cigarette pack suggestively peeking out from his rolled up tunic sleeve, and an alluringly ne'er-do-well twinkle in his eye. This knight, Hubert, bellowed for yet another Manservant to bring him another dish. The new Manservant sauntered in with a sprightly, almost elfin canter. He had such a delightfully rich voice, the sound of a musically alto beast.
"Here's you're dessert!" Lilted the scampery Manservant.
"Mmmmm...I smell raspberry drizzle!" chortled the roguishly handsome knight.
"Your JUST desserts!" Huzzayed the manservant who whipped the top of the chafing dish off revealing a kitty, covered in raspberry drizzle, that immediately kicked the knight in his handsome pate. The waiter threw off his outer garments revealing a velour onezie emblazoned with sweet-meats. It was none other than Saucy Tim! Standing beside him was the kitty, which was no ordinary feline but Viceroy Fishylips!
"Have mercy on me!" cried the wanton coxcomb.
"Oh, no, we don't play with mercy!" chuckled his Sauciness.
"meoooow," said the viceroy.
Saucy Tim and the Viceroy began to beat the poor rapscallion senseless. The evil Knight was defeated. So Viceroy Fishylips and Saucy Tim jumped into their Carriage de Voluptueux and sauntered back to their den of luxury.
"You have returned!" Squeeked his Sauciness' young apprentice; a sparkly eyed, dewy youth yet unknown to the ways of love (pssst...It's me, Malcolm....teehee!).
"Yes, sidekick CabinBoy" said Tim, "Prepare me my bath full of cultured buttermilk and red velvet cake crumbles!"
"Yes sir!" the boy said innocently.
"AND don't skimp on the live, blood fed eels!"
The End