Oh Rapturous Day! (or ten internets for guessing the comic-book allusion of awesome)

Oh Dearest Diary,
I must dispense with pleasantries and jump right into the fray - as it were. I have in my possession a note of such impassioned excess, that I am nearly bursting at the proverbial seams.

"To the Dear Boy, Prince Malcolm" is printed in exquisitely feminine print. The ink boldly seeps through the pages as the author's passion for me undoubtedly does. I carefully unfold the paper's ragged edges (the letter was written in haste, perhaps an illicit romantic attraction!? Oh, how delightfully novel!) and unfold the sweet tenders lying within.

"To the Scrumptious, Young Prince Malcolm." Diary, could it be? Could I have enticed such passionate feeling from another that they are willing, nay-desirous, to abandon all customary societal and moral law and devour me as I devoured Cook' s pamcakes yesterday morn!? Mustn't conjecture, perhaps in the courtship process one must express a desire to feast upon the flesh of their beloved. yes of course, that MUST be it! A healthy appetite confirms ones healthy genetic material. Silly young prince Malcolm, you are so un-knowledgeable in the ways of love. I must read on.

"While I understand how ill-advised writing this letter may be, I cannot stand to remain silent a moment longer: I burn with desire for your youthful and innocent touch." OOOOH! Diary, there are no diphthongs nor pure vowel sounds known to man that could convey my elation! It assuredly was written by a woman given to another man...could it be!? Have all my musings and their manifest stickies come to fruition!? Well, regardless, I may not have to wait until this years cotillion before I receive my first kiss! I wonder what it will be like. Will she smell of flowers or freshly baked goods! Will she taste like freshly baked goods? I hope she tastes like boysenberry: the most exotic of the berries. Mmmmm..Must continue, must not get lost...in...thoughts.

"I have heard you are yet unknown to woman. How I long to be your alluringly older, more experienced, yet gentle guide to the art and act of love." How does she know! She must be someone close by... I had no idea love could manifest itself both as an act (kissing in various degrees) and art (etchings and the like). I must not let Lady MacD...I mean "the mysterious stranger" know I did not know of these rituals. She knows I am inexperienced, but I may surprise her with my love making abilities; I am unrivaled in my etching ability and I can put away pamcakes like "a champ"- father says.

"Though it may never come to pass, know that your tender kiss is always in my thoughts." No! No! Diary, say it isn't so! It must happen! It must!

"Your loving friend,
Lady Macduff (stricken through)

I mean,
your secret admirer "

Diary, I am not fooled by such a simple trick! It IS Lady McD! Oh, how I have long awaited this day. I knew my dream with Benson was prophetic! I must make this happen. I shall see her again before too long and I must let her know that I desire her kisses above all else. I shall greet her with an etching of her lovely face surrounded by many hearts, a basket of baked goods, a customary nibble on her fair flesh, and possibly (if my courage doesn't fail) steal a kiss! Oh, Diary, I have lots of work to do!

Indubitably yours,
Young Prince Malcolm