Famous Person

Dear Diary,
Unexpected bliss followed me, snuck upon me, and struck with most pleasant assault last night! I was walking around the plantation looking for some adhesive to accompany my pocket full of Chinchilla fur, when father stopped my search. He told me that we had a special visitor that he would like me to meet! Diary, I had been so preoccupied with Young Siward that I was completely oblivious to the world around me. I did not ask who was visiting (for fear of appearing ignorant), but expectantly walked at father's side. We came at last to the drawing room and who was there diary? You would never guess, in a thousand plentiful guesses, what man of men was standing in the drawing room. The Paterfamilias of the South! The Progenitor of well-nigh half the county of Scotland, LA! The man himself! JONNY GAINSVILLE!

THE Jonny Gainsville, dear Diary! He had heard that our town decided to stick with the name "Scotland" instead of "Gainsville," so he came to create a few more constituants before heading off to spread more joy and paternity.

Diary, not only was meeting this epic sower of men a most unexpected delight, it opened my eyes to a new truth.

I was staring into Jonny's face wrapt with dewey eyed awe, when I noticed that he reminded me of someone. Now, I have seen my fair share of Gainsville Jr's (I mean, who hasn't? You could throw a rock in a crowded market and be guaranteed to hit one), but this was different. I noticed the semi-long flowing locks of hair, the sparkly eyes...the scent of goodness and dewy morns. It was here that my bleary eyed idol-lust turned to cold discovery. "Surely not, there is no way," I said in disbelief. I ventured too far in my curiosity when I plunged my nose into Mr. Gainsville's ample mane. Father immediately pulled me off and sent me to my room without dessert (which was a shame since we were having bundt cake), but before he did I managed to get several deep wiffs of Mr. Gainsville's scent to confirm. Diary, I believe Jonny Gainsville is Young Siward's actual father! This is most exciting news! While the son of a legend, this hardly makes Young Siward special. Outside of having a veritable army of brothers and sisters, Y.S. has no claims to royalty! He is as common as historical bushes around uncle Macbeth's mansion! This is a most blessed arrow in my quiver of revenge...now if I could just successfully get a shot off. Maybe next time. After I sneak some delicious bundt cake.

yours in exquisite pedigree,

Y.P.M.